Do you remember those commercials? The Kraft Dinner commercials with the yellow dinosaur? He was made of cheese and most definitely suffered from autism. Or looked like it. I’ve been thinking about the lyrics of the commercials lately. I don’t remember understanding them when I was a kid, and that’s because most of them aren’t real words, just words with “oni” added on the end. Actually, I don’t think they ever made a rhyme unless it rhymed with macaroni, like, I guess some advertising official told the jingle writers that they weren’t allowed to rhyme with any other word. So I guess they sat there for a few minutes and came up with “zamboni” and “pepperoni” and that’s about it so they just started throwing “oni” on the end of everything.
The jingle is stuck in my head all night at work and it’s driving me insane because I don’t talk to a single soul all night, so there’s nothing to stop it’s endless loop within my mind.
I have a good idea. Take any one of the old commercials and sing the song in it slow and mournfully with sad piano music in the background. For their next commercial they should have the cheese retard find out he’s lactose intolerant or allergic to Kraft Dinner or something and then the slow sad version plays with lyrics like “My heart bleeds for youoni” and he has a framed picture of a box of KD and he sheds a tear, and just as “I thought our love was foreveroni, cause you’re Kraft Cheesy Macaoni” ( “macaroni” is sung with a tearful whisper) is sung he places the frame face down on a desk and gets into bed alone.
