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Robot Sleeps

This last Thursday didn’t go so well, I ended up being a robot that was sleeping instead of a dinosaur, so I didn’t sleep as nicely, since robots don’t actually sleep.

Good Sleeps

It's really important that I get as much sleep as possible on Thursdays. I have to go into work for a night shift and I'm coming off a normal sleeping schedule. I've finally accomplished finding a good method to get a lot of sleep when you really need it.



Just dream that you're a dinosaur who is sleeping a lot. The way it works is that, since you're a dinosaur you don't have to be stressed out about getting enough sleep for work, since you don't have a job. I've done it the past two weeks and it's worked like a charm.

I just realized that working night shifts has made me insane...

Aerostarship trooper

So far, I must have spent over 3000 bucks on my Aerostar. Now it’s making noises again.

When it’s ready to go, or I’m ready to get rid of it I have something I want to do with it. I want to film it going the speed limit down the worst road in the city. This road, plus my junky van……It will be mind blowing.

Gone Forever

Worst time to drop something is when you’re sitting in an office chair, because it just disappears. You bend all sorts of ways, but whatever you dropped is just gone.

Not Like

Whenever I don’t like something or have a complaint everyone reacts to it negatively. They get irritated or angry with me because I’m irritated or angry. I feel like I’m being sent a message; that I’m not allowed to be unhappy with anything, that I’m not allowed to feel badly. It figures that the ones who get irritated with me most are constantly complaining, or looking for things to complain about.

BUT, I should stop my complaining before I go on and on, it’s too typical for an internet journal.

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Flossing

When you’re digging around in there and you pull out a big chunk of something.... I can’t imagine a more satisfying feeling.

Power Rangers: The Movie

Andy Dick as the blue ranger. Lucy Liu as the yellow ranger. Snoop Dogg as the black ranger. Jennifer Aniston as the pink ranger. Edward Norton as the green ranger. Johnny Depp as the red ranger. Bruce Willis as Zordon. Richard Simmons as Alpha. Queen Latifa as Rita. Jim Carrey or Robin Williams as the Putties. Or one of them could be lord Zed.

Doing It

Last week I decided I would be working on my comics every day, for at least an hour, and at least two hours on weekends. Along with that I mean to update my journal a few times a week. So far I’ve been successful and I haven’t had thoughts of quitting. I still worry that I’m going to fall back to the way I was so do me this favor. If you know me personally please don’t let me get away with not working on my site at least a tiny bit each day. I really enjoy the feeling of accomplishment, and having a bit of art in your life everyday is very healthy. At least for me, it makes me a lot happier. I sleep easier.

YAP!

Dumps

I have the hugest dumps of life while I’m at work. I don’t know why. For some dumps I wish I brought my camera with me, because sometimes they’re really something to write home about. They’re huge, and have the consistency of sludge. Probably because I eat a lot of fiber bars. There’s usually nothing else to eat. Actually there is but I would have to prepare it and I usually don’t want to spend the time doing that when I can unwrap a fiber bar in a matter of seconds. Not really going anywhere with this, just thought I’d let everyone know about my shit.

TICK

There’s a fuckin’ tick in my office. Uggghhhhh fuuuuucck. Nooo man. Naw.

2 in 1

So I also had another dream last night. 2 nights in a row. This time I was trying to fix my Aerostar. It was broken because the deep fryer that was in place of an actual engine had something wrong with it. Turns out all I had to do was throw some chicken wings in there.

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Spiderz

I had another dream about spiders last night. I've had a lot of dreams about them. I don't THINK I'm scared of them, just mildly grossed out. In this dream the wife and I were in a warehouse that was a secret base where they bio engineer new animals. When we first walked in we could hear voices of military people around the corner. In the entrance there were fish tanks with new types of fish in them, but neither the wife nor I know a lot about fish so we weren't that impressed. We had a small talk about the mirrors behind the fish tanks and how it makes the place seem so much bigger.

When we got around the corner there was a gigantic spider monster behind glass. Let me try to explain this thing. Do you know what an algae eater is? it had suction shit like that and was sucking on the glass. It's whole stomach was like that (like you cut something in half and you can see how it's insides work) and it's legs came from the middle of it's stomach. it was like a leech and a spider and an algae eater in one, and it had a hairy back. The wife and I stared at it in pure disgust for a while and it started sucking on the glass extra hard until the glass cracked. I moved the wife back over to the entrance because she was just standing there, frozen. We left after that and heard later that it escaped and they killed it.

Afterward my dream made me feel bad for the thing because it turns out it wasn't violent at all and was completely vegetarian and had complex emotions n shit.



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Spielbag

I just want bring it to everyone's attention again.

Steve Spielberg hates animals. Name anything he has made and a dog or multiple dogs get killed in it. I challenge you to find something of his which doesn't contain some cute animal dying a horrible death.

Plus he made ET and that's pretty much the scariest movie ever made.

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Tattletale Bitch

When I was in grade school there was this little snotty fat girl that would always tell on me and everyone else for everything they did. She would walk around with a notepad and write everything down and report it to the teacher. I always came out on top though, because she was a rat bitch. I splashed her with a puddle once, and she swore at me and told the teacher and we both got on the wall. (The wall is when you get in trouble, and you have to go stand against the wall of the school for the rest of recess. It wasn’t so bad though, if you were a lazy fat kid like me)

Another time she told on me for swearing and I didn’t get on the wall cause my friend Gerry’s dad is wicked, and at the time he was the recess supervisor. Then the same recess she swore and got told on by another rat bitch and was on the wall for the rest of the recess, which I used my time to stand there pointing and laughing obnoxiously, HAHAAHAHHAAAAAAHAHHAA!! Oh oh aaaahhh AHHAHAHA. Right near her face too.

Some time later I ran and jumped on her nice headband for no reason. It was laying there on the ground, and I knew it was hers so I thought it would be a good idea to destroy it. The teacher made me get her a new one, so I bought a cheap gay looking one that wouldn’t even fit. Then she thought she won something and was trying to rub it in like a bitch so I snapped it. She tried to tell but I said she busted it on purpose and the teacher believed me over her. And she got on the wall for “lying”

Oh man, one time she was making fun of me to my face not knowing where she was going and walked into a pole. I just kept on walking. Man, what a fucking cunt.

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Cola Wars

Do you remember? When it was Pepsi vs. Coke? It got pretty out of hand. My friends at the time were divided because some liked Coke and some liked Pepsi. At movie theatres the cola ads would be cheered or booed for. I made fun of Pepsi once and got told “shut the fuck up you fat fuck” in a totally serious tone of voice. Some kid fell on the ice and smashed his head off it and “it’s okay he likes Coke” was muttered as a few kids just walked away.

What’s up with that shit? Fuckin’ frig off they taste the same you fags.



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NIPLAUNCH

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Disney

Disney is now giving awards out to it’s own movies, and advertising it on the box that it won an award from Disney.

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It’s shitty.

Work Toilet Paper Is Useless.

Every time I wanna take a dump at work I end up with shit on my fingers. The paper just rips as soon as you put the least bit of friction on it. Why can’t companies fork out just a little bit more for good toilet paper? Is it too much to ask to be able to shit comfortably at work? Or even some good soap. That would be fine, but the soap at work smells worse than the shit on my fingers and it also gives you a rash. If I had good soap at least I could wash the shit off my fingers properly.


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Top Shit

Movies
-Kubrick’s shit.
-Miyazaki’s shit.
-Tarantino’s shit

Books
-Well’s shit.
-Tolkien’s shit.
-Thompson’s shit.

Comics
-Moore’s shit.
-Willingham's shit.
-Ellis' shit.

Video Games
-Miyamoto’s shit.
-Itoi's shit.
-Oshima's shit.


Shows
-Watanabe + Keiko's shit
-Eastman + Laird's shit.
-Altieri +Kirkland's shit.


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Movie previews

They make me feel stupid just for having seen them. A tingle courses up my spine. Shudder. Some of them I can hardly believe are real.

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YOU'LL NEVER GUESS WHAT MY G FRIEND JUST DID

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"Ever Notice How Cars Have Faces?"

Here's a sight for sore eyes. ZILGA, 19, is currently in an optometry program. And when's she's not looking deeply into people's eyes, she likes belly dancing, swimming and hiking. And since you asked, ZILGA's eye is hazel.

Like Hitchcock

So Douglas Coupland right now.

Aloof's Two Top Interests