Spielbag

I just want bring it to everyone's attention again.

Steve Spielberg hates animals. Name anything he has made and a dog or multiple dogs get killed in it. I challenge you to find something of his which doesn't contain some cute animal dying a horrible death.

Plus he made ET and that's pretty much the scariest movie ever made.

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Tattletale Bitch

When I was in grade school there was this little snotty fat girl that would always tell on me and everyone else for everything they did. She would walk around with a notepad and write everything down and report it to the teacher. I always came out on top though, because she was a rat bitch. I splashed her with a puddle once, and she swore at me and told the teacher and we both got on the wall. (The wall is when you get in trouble, and you have to go stand against the wall of the school for the rest of recess. It wasn’t so bad though, if you were a lazy fat kid like me)

Another time she told on me for swearing and I didn’t get on the wall cause my friend Gerry’s dad is wicked, and at the time he was the recess supervisor. Then the same recess she swore and got told on by another rat bitch and was on the wall for the rest of the recess, which I used my time to stand there pointing and laughing obnoxiously, HAHAAHAHHAAAAAAHAHHAA!! Oh oh aaaahhh AHHAHAHA. Right near her face too.

Some time later I ran and jumped on her nice headband for no reason. It was laying there on the ground, and I knew it was hers so I thought it would be a good idea to destroy it. The teacher made me get her a new one, so I bought a cheap gay looking one that wouldn’t even fit. Then she thought she won something and was trying to rub it in like a bitch so I snapped it. She tried to tell but I said she busted it on purpose and the teacher believed me over her. And she got on the wall for “lying”

Oh man, one time she was making fun of me to my face not knowing where she was going and walked into a pole. I just kept on walking. Man, what a fucking cunt.

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Cola Wars

Do you remember? When it was Pepsi vs. Coke? It got pretty out of hand. My friends at the time were divided because some liked Coke and some liked Pepsi. At movie theatres the cola ads would be cheered or booed for. I made fun of Pepsi once and got told “shut the fuck up you fat fuck” in a totally serious tone of voice. Some kid fell on the ice and smashed his head off it and “it’s okay he likes Coke” was muttered as a few kids just walked away.

What’s up with that shit? Fuckin’ frig off they taste the same you fags.



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NIPLAUNCH

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Disney

Disney is now giving awards out to it’s own movies, and advertising it on the box that it won an award from Disney.

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It’s shitty.

Work Toilet Paper Is Useless.

Every time I wanna take a dump at work I end up with shit on my fingers. The paper just rips as soon as you put the least bit of friction on it. Why can’t companies fork out just a little bit more for good toilet paper? Is it too much to ask to be able to shit comfortably at work? Or even some good soap. That would be fine, but the soap at work smells worse than the shit on my fingers and it also gives you a rash. If I had good soap at least I could wash the shit off my fingers properly.


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Top Shit

Movies
-Kubrick’s shit.
-Miyazaki’s shit.
-Tarantino’s shit

Books
-Well’s shit.
-Tolkien’s shit.
-Thompson’s shit.

Comics
-Moore’s shit.
-Willingham's shit.
-Ellis' shit.

Video Games
-Miyamoto’s shit.
-Itoi's shit.
-Oshima's shit.


Shows
-Watanabe + Keiko's shit
-Eastman + Laird's shit.
-Altieri +Kirkland's shit.


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Movie previews

They make me feel stupid just for having seen them. A tingle courses up my spine. Shudder. Some of them I can hardly believe are real.

!!!

YOU'LL NEVER GUESS WHAT MY G FRIEND JUST DID

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"Ever Notice How Cars Have Faces?"

Here's a sight for sore eyes. ZILGA, 19, is currently in an optometry program. And when's she's not looking deeply into people's eyes, she likes belly dancing, swimming and hiking. And since you asked, ZILGA's eye is hazel.

Like Hitchcock

So Douglas Coupland right now.

Aloof's Two Top Interests

It's ART

This clearly means I am racist/ think all Indians smell.

Sub Names

On things like facebook people like to have those sub names. You know what I mean. That little line of text that says something like Everett is blah blah blah. MSN has it too, they put that feature in because everyone was just putting song lyrics in as their names for some reason. Or some clever or funny slogan. But people just fill the sub name in with more song lyrics, on top of the song lyrics they already have as their msn name. The only problem with this is you have to mouse over their name to see the email address to know who the hell it is. It’s a little annoying. Some people do it just for attention so more people will message them. I’d bet this is the main reason. Others probably do it because they don’t have anywhere else to put their creative juices into. I don’t think these are bad things, really. I guess. Just something I think abut every once in a while. Internet behaviors. I think the reason I don’t utilize that shit is because I just want people to know it’s me right away and how to get a hold of me, and that I really don’t feel like being creative, I just want to talk to my friends. Evvieco and the other sites are for being creative.

MORE COMICS

I’m starting to get tired of being funny on the internet. I wanna try to write semi serious things. I don’t want to try to be a comedian all the time. Everyone who makes shit goes through this. They get a little bored and start to feel like maybe they’re considered typecast by the people who look at their work (not that it really matters to them), so they try to defeat the boredom by making new things, in different styles and genres, but the viewers don’t give a shit, they just want more of the same thing, for all eternity.

MORE COMICS EVERETT WHEN’S THE NEW COMIC COMING OUT HUH? WE DON’T CARE ABOUT THIS SHIT WE JUST WANT MORE COMICS, MAKE SOME MORE COMICS ASSHOLE.

The viewers get demanding, and out of line sometimes and it makes the author want to take it all away from them and keep it all to himself and closest friends. He doesn’t do that because that would be punishing many of them that are well behaved and appreciative of what he shares. The best thing to do is to shut everyone out and continue to not let anyone influence him, like he planned from the start.

Ralph

The best security guard ever was the security guard from Animaniacs. They always made him look like a fat slovenly dumbass, the normal security guard cliché. The kind that falls asleep and eats jelly donuts on the job, and spills the filling on his shirt or falls backwards in his chair when he gets startled. He spoke like a retard too, complete with the “DUHH” in front of his sentences.

He’s the best guard I’ve ever seen, in any form of media or real life. Not best as in funny or most entertaining, I mean best as in best at his job, and I’m not insulting security guards by saying that. I’ll explain.

First of all, he’s the ONLY security guard for the entire property of Warner Brothers studios. You never see any other security personnel in the show, and there’s no mention of them either that I remember. So that means he lives there, in that tiny booth, all the time. With barely any supplies, he has to live off of the environment completely, and he manages to do it so well that he’s overweight. He does this on purpose because he knows there will be times where he will have to go a very long time without food, so his body can survive off of his body fat. Also the winters are cold and he will need all of the insulation he can get.

He sleeps on the job because he HAS to sleep on the job. There are no other guards for the site. He watches TV in his booth because he needs to keep current with the times, and also he needs to know what the weather will be like so he can prepare for it. His uniform is nearly always clean. This is amazing because he probably doesn’t come across or have a way to clean his clothing very often, but he always wears his uniform right to the dress code. He even has his hair shaven, which is the safest way to have it in his line of work, so that criminals can’t grab a hold of it in a skirmish. Shirt is tucked in, boots polished and hat worn properly. He’s helpful and he remembers everyone that enters the property and is very polite.

His secondary duty is to chase three demon children around. Not even that, three demon children with godlike powers. They can pull anything out of anywhere, transform into anything, disappear, fly, jump incredible heights, run faster than any known animal. They have used mind control, their limbs can fall off and mend themselves back on good as new, no form of weaponry works on them. They’ve been in explosions, lasers, dealt with vampires, aliens, huge guns, ghosts etc. Nothing can stop them, and one of them knows every country on earth, and can sing a song using only the names of the countries as the only words and it still rhymes perfectly. If they were real they could be the single biggest threat to all of existence, they have absolutely no limits to what they can do.

Despite all of that though, the security guard STILL manages to catch them, climb the Warner water tower (with one arm) where he’s told to imprison them while holding onto all three, no handcuffs or restraints. Just under his arm he can contain all the unlimited power in the universe against it’s will. Then he opens a huge metal doorway that has no handle and must way a goddamn ton. He opens it like it’s nothing and then slams them right in there. Of course they get out again within minutes but that’s not his fault, he’s just following orders. The scientists and engineers of the world should be working on a proper way to hold them. A normal water tower isn’t going to contain thee demon gods. He stays with this job through it all because he knows that he’s the only one who has a chance at capturing these things. He does all of this with the burden of a mental disability.

And the show doesn’t give him any credit! They show him like he’s a bumbling moron, but he never complains about that because he must be modest as well.

PERFECTION

Aloof's pics. Might put em on my fridge, they're good enough.

Evidently Gay Elf Pirates and Bee Scene

My Absence

This is going to be a kind of sad journal entry. I don’t usually write sad ones, but I feel like I should write this one, so I will.

I just finished watching a movie in which a man has to get his dog put to sleep because the dog is sick and can’t recover. When he does it, he puts a lot of effort forth in making sure the dog goes as nicely as possible. He hires a doctor over an actual vet just because he doesn’t like the vet’s cunty attitude. Then he buys the dog a nice steak and is right beside the dog as he gets euthanized. He even makes sure the dog is comfortably in his favorite bed at home as it happens. Afterwards he stays with the dog a while until he’s sure he’s finally gone to sleep for the last time, to see his best friend off into whatever happens after this life ends. Just for good measure he stays beside him until he’s sure all life has left the body, and to reflect on the amount of life he shared with the dog and all the good times they shared and whatnot. This is what I should have done.

Yeah, pretty sad and all that. Normally this would only get to me mildly, but this made me realize just how shitty I acted when my dog died a while back. It made me feel goddamn terrible and a truckload of guilt for how I handled things.

I wasn’t there. I wasn’t there for her at the end. I barely even paid attention to her. Even on the day she was put down it didn’t get to me, and it was all because of the other things happening at the time. I was too preoccupied feeling shitty about other things to act like a decent human being. Not that that excuses me for my mistake. It doesn’t. This movie made me realize how much of a prick I can really be. I don’t mean the normal kind of prick either, I mean pure prick. The kind of prick that makes you put your hands over your face and say “Oh man, what the fuck is wrong with me?” over and over again while pacing around, as I just finished doing. I have to make sure I never do anything like that again, and that I give the right amount of attention to each bad thing that happens. The problem was, was that I couldn’t feel any shittier than I already did at the time, and I made the mistake of not allowing myself to feel worse, hence, someone I love and that loves me back, dies possibly wondering where the fuck I am and screwing myself out of ever being able to get over said loved one’s death properly. Well, I deserve my end of it at least.

This realization just hit me like a ton of bricks with nails glued to them. Why the hell did it take this long? Am I really that awful? Apparently so.

Docks

I love the sound docks make when you walk across them. It always reminds me of being on vacation as a kid, and the time I was jumping off of one into the lake with some other kids. Being a kid was great for that sort of thing, no matter what it was so easy to make friends back then. The only requirement was that the other person was a kid and we would automatically all get along. Waking up in the morning with the rising sun gently warming my face was ass-kick too. Without fail, every morning the sun would peer across the horizon of the lake and turn everything a soft orange. The sunbeams would come through the window and wake me up in the most calm and pleasant way possible. The crunch of the gravel, catching frogs, boating, fishing, shit. So many good memories.

I need to go back.

One time I was making a good huge run to jump off of the dock, but when I got to the very edge some woman with her kid riding on her back was trying to swim by. I skidded, but went over the edge anyway and fucked my leg up. Almost went under the dock too. It hurt, and I can’t remember if I cried, but when I was under the water I remember looking up and seeing the sun splayed across the top of the water, and my vision being incredibly clear, man it was fucking amazing. Everything was blue like water’s supposed to be and it faded off to black in all directions, except for the area of my vision, in that I saw a perfect natural gradient of blue, right up to the top of the water. It was so beautiful that it made me forget my pain and panic for a moment and demanded I take it all in. the thunderstorms were amazing, finding random toys, exploring the woods, eating at completely new restaurants, finding what seemed to be an abandoned house on an island, and just generally being in a backwater no name town NOT totally overrun with tourist shit. A town that will never be in any movies, books or anything. Just a place
where people live and is actually for them. Fucking…fuck, I have to go back.

Children’s Toys

In junior kindergarten we had a toy that was a stump with nails in it. Plus a hammer. I’m serious. That’s what we had to play with. We even fought over it sometimes, there were even a few times I had planned on throwing the hammer at things. I threw things every now and then when I was a lil one. I threw a paint brush at the wall I think one time, it was that or it was a building block, which we weren’t allowed to build higher than our chins… Weren’t allowed to build higher than our chins with the blocks, but playing with a stump with nails in it was perfectly fine.

I remember being quite a hellion back then, but I don’t think it was to cause shit or be bad or anything, I think it was just because I was retarded or something. I never knew what I was doing was wrong or dangerous, which is a really fucking dangerous type of kid to have playing with a hammer and a stump with nails in it. I think since I would get yelled at for doing things I didn’t know were bad or wrong so much as a kid, accounts for how cautious I am with everything now. When “the wife” yells at me for things even now I don’t think they’re wrong or bad or gross, and I get more and more cautious and careful with everything I do. I put up a lot of effort not to bother anyone, ever, and I write this entry to request a trophy.

E-mail

I got this email earlier today. It's probably spam, but there wasn't a link or anything afterwards, just pictures of some naked foreign girl.

here's the body:

"Good afternoon im Kristen im 28 years old.
Opening the vagina."

Colossal Middle Aged Blonde

I once opened some obnoxious woman’s lunch container and farted in it, then quickly closed the lid. I went to the other side of the room, and soon after she sat down to her lunch. She opened it and made a funny face when the smell got to her, but she ate it anyway. Would you eat a meal that smelled like shit?

I only did this to her because she was a bitch and would do things like switch people’s snacks for cat treats, and steal people’s lunches. I caught her doing it more than once. All I would do is walk into the cafeteria and she’d jump and immediately go red in the face. Then she’d get mad at me and accuse me of sneaking up on her or stalking her or whatever. She’s the last person I would ever want to follow, she was the epitome of middle aged blonde, extra shitty version DX, a complete bitch, so I made her eat ass vapors. Fuck she was so annoying, I think she was a little bit retarded or something. This shrill vibrating sound would come out of her mouth, I think it was supposed to be a voice? I couldn’t tell because it was always way louder than a normal speaking voice, kind of like an alarm made of buzz saws and air raid sirens. I’d be alright with it if it wasn’t constant.

I’m going to stop complaining now, I don’t want to fill my journal with too much negative vibes.

Crakcs

Whenever I see a certain texture of crackiness I feel grossed out and intensely compelled to rip it open. What I mean is when things like soap crack open a bit from being dry for so long. It cracks but then there’s a crack…within the crack and it’s all ripply… Sometimes paint does it too, and the sidewalk at work…Man I want to rip it open but it’s cement so I can’t. Vaginas do this too but it wouldn’t be satisfying to rip one open. Too meaty and gooey.

Journal Entryoni

Do you remember those commercials? The Kraft Dinner commercials with the yellow dinosaur? He was made of cheese and most definitely suffered from autism. Or looked like it. I’ve been thinking about the lyrics of the commercials lately. I don’t remember understanding them when I was a kid, and that’s because most of them aren’t real words, just words with “oni” added on the end. Actually, I don’t think they ever made a rhyme unless it rhymed with macaroni, like, I guess some advertising official told the jingle writers that they weren’t allowed to rhyme with any other word. So I guess they sat there for a few minutes and came up with “zamboni” and “pepperoni” and that’s about it so they just started throwing “oni” on the end of everything.

The jingle is stuck in my head all night at work and it’s driving me insane because I don’t talk to a single soul all night, so there’s nothing to stop it’s endless loop within my mind.

I have a good idea. Take any one of the old commercials and sing the song in it slow and mournfully with sad piano music in the background. For their next commercial they should have the cheese retard find out he’s lactose intolerant or allergic to Kraft Dinner or something and then the slow sad version plays with lyrics like “My heart bleeds for youoni” and he has a framed picture of a box of KD and he sheds a tear, and just as “I thought our love was foreveroni, cause you’re Kraft Cheesy Macaoni” ( “macaroni” is sung with a tearful whisper) is sung he places the frame face down on a desk and gets into bed alone.

Middle Aged Blonde Women, Scourge Of The Earth

I’m gonna rant and generalize a whole bunch now.

In most lower end, shitty jobs a middle aged blonde woman is in charge, screwing things up, or is trying to screw shit up. This fuckin’ sucks. Man.

When I was a dishwasher at 14 I was hired by one, who gave me a rigorous interview just to get the shitty job. I quit the next day because the contents of a dumpster spilled on me and their garbage weighed more than I did, and I was a pretty fat kid, too, so imagine lifting a garbage bag so full of uneaten food it weighs more than 300 lbs nearly above your head into a dumpster that is ready to burst at the seams, filled with the same rancid yellow sludge. When this problem was brought to her attention nothing was done about it. Fuck that job.

Again at 16 when I was a cafeteria line attendant a middle aged blonde woman was the main thing I didn’t enjoy about my day. She would hover around behind me and criticize everything I did. She never realized that tourists stupid enough to pay 7 dollars for a slice of pizza made by minimum wage teenagers didn’t care if the slices of pepper were the same length or not. They just wanted to shove the pizza in their mouth so hard that it slopped down the front of their overalls and eventually down to add an extra stain on their fanny packs. She once pushed me out of her way near boiling hot grease because she felt I wasn’t feeding tourists freedom fries quickly enough.

Even when I worked at Blocbuster I was in danger of one screwing everything up. She didn’t though, because they kept her from getting in charge of the place and then expected her to actually do her job instead of sit around and complain all the time so she quit. Close one.

During the time I was with the previous security company my dispatch woman was a 400 lb middle aged blonde woman that would tell me to break into company’s properties, properties like Waste management and places that I know have guard dogs prowling about. Even at the job I just lost there was one that would complain about everything I did and didn’t do, insult me
personally and then ask me to do her favors.

Each one wasn’t actually blonde, only dyed that way, to make a vain attempt to be what outdated media says is attractive. Each was lazy, had a gigantic ass and a personality that can only be described by the word cunt.

Now, at present date, in my newest job that I just started I have yet to see one. I’m still waiting for her to show, and I have a bad feeling about this one. If there isn’t one I suppose this means my job isn’t considered lower end? Wait no, even in the higher end jobs there will still be middle aged blonde women who have become over zealous and self absorbed to the point where they believe they’re above most other employees/humans.

Steps

1.Install windows.

2.Install drivers.

3.Install programs

4. Have repairs made

4. Be wicked.

Fact

I love my gowfriend.

MmmHmm

Just checking in.

Still In Need

Just stopping in so that this journal doesn't get deleted. I still need a laptop before I can make proper use of this thing.

Phantom Steps

I really dislike it when you're goin' down some stairs and you get to the bottom, but you think you have one more step to go and you hit the ground expecting one more stair, then you're all disoriented from it. I think if you have something unpleasant to tell someone, that the exact moment that they're stair-disoriented is perfect to spring it on them, as they'd be somehow magically bewildered enough not to get upset and you totally get away with whatever the unpleasant news was.

I base this theory fully upon science.

(I think when I get my laptop I'll be able to update this every day. Won't that be great?)